October 20, 2001
9:42am

I bet you guys thought I had completely abandoned this blog. Well, I did for a while. I've been pretty much "offline" for the past few weeks. Even my e-mail has begun to pile up. However, I thought if I didn't update this site soon it would revolt like Arvid's, and we wouldn't want that.

I don't think anything I've been doing has been all that exciting. I've mostly been trying to keep my head above water and deal with my school work. I've been having an especially hard time with my drawing class. I don't understand the teacher's taste in art at all. Everything he likes pretty much sucks.

I don't think I'll ever understand him. It's like I can hear words coming out of his mouth, but I can't comprehend them. Then I ask him to explain himself and he uses more nonsensical words to explain the words I didn't understand in the first place. I'm really starting to think it's not just me. I don't think he even knows what he's talking about.

What's worse is that there appears to be some people in that class who can do no wrong. He seems to think every project they do is brilliant (or if not brilliant, much better than the rest of the class). I, on the other hand, can't seem to do anything right. I can make one mark on the paper and already be in the wrong. I remember when we had to do automatic drawings, which is basically scribbling from your subconcious. I did the drawing and he said it was wrong. How can a person's subconcious be wrong? It's all so extremely frustrating!

I had my first appointment at the university's psych clinic last week. The lady who evaluated me seemed to think my problem might be medical so she sent me to the gynocologist. I had never been to one before, so it was a bit nerve-wrecking. I will spare you the details (for obvious reasons), but I will say it was a surreal experience. It's not every day I'm forced to stare at a poster on the ceiling while exposing myself to a complete stranger. At least he had a good bed side manner.

My mother and I are visiting my grandmother on Sunday. Her health has been terrible lately. She had a tumor removed from her breast about a month ago (which really scared pacemaker me because no one in my family has ever had breast cancer before) and she had a put in this week to correct an arrhythmia. I'd like to think positively about this situation, but my mind can't help but wander into the realm of morbitidy. I suppose I've just had too many people die on me this year.

Well, I suppose I should get back to studying for my philosophy class. I'll at least try to stay awake. Unfortunately, Descartes reminds me too much of my drawing teacher. I don't understand what he's saying either.