June 11, 2002
3:55 p.m.

A friend of mine has been going through a hard time lately. He and this girl are in love, but she's unable to have a relationship with him right now. Apparently she's going through a nasty breakup with a guy who treated her like dirt, so her budding romance with my friend has suffered greatly.

He and I have had many conversations about the difficulties of being in love. Actually, they weren't real conversations as he did most of the talking. I have never been in love so I didn't have much to say on the subject. However, I have other friends who've been in similar situations and they usually all say the same thing.

"Love hurts so much."

"I wish I had never met him/her."

"Never fall in love, Talia. It's not worth it."

I've listened to it all, quietly and patiently. I do my best to sympathize, but I disagree completely with almost everything they say.

Grant it, my opinion is just as biased as theirs but I believe it has validity. They usually think it's better to never have loved. I believe in the old cliche, "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

I used to wonder why I would feel a little hurt after talking to my friend about his romantic frustration. I knew that it was more than feeling bad for him, though I do. It was something more personal. Then I realized that our situations aren't so different. I also want to be with someone. I want to be passionately devoted to another. I want to feel a loving caress on my face. I want someone to miss. I want someone to share joys and sorrows with. I want someone to grow old with. I don't want to be lonely anymore. I'm sure my friend feels the same way. The only difference is he has someone to direct those feeling toward, while I do not. He longs to be with a living, breathing, tangible human being. He can call her, visit her, touch her. I can only imagine what my love might be like, or wonder if I'll ever have one at all. There's a pain that comes with that as well.

Which of those situations is actually better?