September 16, 2001
8:04pm

A recent cold snap has really jump started the changing of the leaves. As I drove to church this morning I saw growing clumps of yellow, orange, and red. It looked like some strange patchwork quilt. I was kind of proud that I had even noticed. I usually don't notice the trees have changed until they're a completely different color. As a kid it amazed me to learn that some people actually travel here in the fall for vacation, just so they can see the leaves change. I didn't consider it anything special, but I suppose it is to people who live in a climate where the leaves never change. The changing of the seasons will be something I miss when I finally move away from here.

They talked about the terrorist attacks at church, of course. It's obviously a subject that can't be avoided. Our minister Tom told us to focus on the real battle, which is not against flesh and blood, but against Satan (the original spiritual terrorist). He also told us to remember that God created us all and the souls of the terrorists are just as precious as ours. I know that's a hard pill for many to swallow, considering the horrendous acts they have committed.

Sometimes God has a funny way of showing you how much you've grown. As I sat there listening to Tom, I realized I have not felt the way most people have during this ordeal. Most people want revenge, at any cost. Some of the conversations I've had about the attacks have contained scary bloodlust. I think that a few years ago I might have felt the same way. I would have wanted those responsible bombed into eternity because injustice of any kind made (and still makes) me very angry. Now I'm confused about what to think because I don't feel that way. I feel sorry for the victims and the terrorists (though I still believe they should be bought to justice). Also, being the pacifist I am, I want to avoid war. The thought of more bloodshed makes me sick. I suppose I'm a slightly more spiritual thinker now than I once was. However, I fear I may be doing the dead a disservice by feeling that way. Do their souls cry out for a kind of justice I'm not willing to sacrifice for them?

Oh well. Maybe everyone's a little confused and unsure right now.

All of our churches nationwide will be fasting and praying from sundown today to sundown tomorrow. (Of course, I've already blown it because it's sundown as I type this and my dinner is still cooking.) Fasting has always been a touchy issue for me because of my hypoglycemia, but I will try my best not to eat.

I pray that this incident will bring people closer to God instead of pulling away from Him. Many people ask how God could let such things happen, but I believe it's the price we pay for having free will. Instead of making us spiritual puppets, God has allowed us to choose. We often choose the wrong things. However, that doesn't mean He's not there to give us comfort when things get screwed up. I really hope people realize that, because we need God now more than ever.