August 21, 2001
10:50pm
I saw an amazing thing today as I walked out of work. There were two small bright yellow and black birds flitting all over the place. One was chasing the other and angrily chittering. The bird being chased flew around in a state of panic, swiftly manuevering between bushes and shrubs. The chasing bird was constantly on his tail and performed some amazing moves in order to keep up. There was a moment where the bird being chased made a fake out move and dipped into the bushes. The chasing bird pinned his wings against his body, forming an aerodynamic teardrop shape. For a fraction of a second it was suspended in air, a perfect yellow form hung against a backdrop of clear blue. He did it once more before divebombing the bush the poor harrassed bird had been hiding in. Even now, hours later, the scene is ingrained in my mind. It seems like a triviality, but I've never seen anything like it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who notices such things. Maybe it's due to my artistic nature. The other day I saw the shape of Abe Lincoln's head in a dollop of mayo.
This evening I got an unexpected call from Yvette. It was so nice to hear from her. I haven't seen her in ages.
She is spending the week house sitting for a former coworker, so I visited her there. The house was small but cozy. Every wall and corner seemed to be filled with primitive or tribal-inspired art. (I don't know if any of the work was real. I suspect some of it may have been.) There was a giant zebra hide on the wall. It looked as if someone had unzipped the zebra, ironed the hide flat, and hung it up. When Yvette told me it was from a real zebra it made me wonder what a human being would look like "unzipped." Then I had to stop thinking about it because that seemed pretty gruesome.
It was dark and warm in the house, and as I sunk into the couch cushions my mind was slightly clouded with sleep. Yvette curled up on the couch, appearing to fold into herself. We talked about what we have (or haven't) been doing and about college life driving us crazy. Yvette suggested that we start a club of young women who have been driven insane by the pressures college life. I completely agree. I was of sound mind and body before I entered college, and now I'm definately not.
Seeing Yvette made me think about how much we can change and yet stay the same. Yvette had certainly been through a lot since the last time I saw her. Her experiences surely have changed her view of the world. Yet she still made the same pouty-little-girl look when she was upset, still gazed into space as she spoke, still carried angry words with a soft voice. I can still see a little of the Yvette I knew then through the Yvette I know now.
I can say that I've changed almost completely since I began college. I'm more dedicated to knowing God and this new awareness permeates every area of my life. I can handle the outside world. I have to fight the symptoms of my anxiety disorder. I feel more guilt. I'm more brave, more bold, and more perseverent. These are all profound changes, yet I think there is still a lot of the old me left. I wonder how much is in there.
I keep forgetting that I don't have to work tomorrow. It's such a strange thing for me not to be working or doing anything. I usually don't know what to do with myself. Tomorrow, however, is going to be a different story. I move in three days and I have not packed a blessed thing!