September 11, 2001
3:37pm
It's a gorgeous day in the Cleveland area. The sky is a brilliant blue with puffy white clouds. The trees and grass are the greenest I've seen them and everything is kissed with warm, golden sunlight. It's the kind of day that makes the artist in me want to gather my colored pencils and have fun recording it all. Who could imagine that such a beautiful day would hold such horror and carnage?
It was very boring at work this morning. We had nothing to do, so I went across the hall to the computer lab. I read my e-mail and checked the blogs I visit regularly. That's when I heard the news from an entry in Are We There Yet? Planes had crashed into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. What?
What???
I tried desperately to get onto the MSNBC news site. That was entirely too slow. I tried some others and finally I saw it. I read about the horrendous terrorist acts with my own disbelieving eyes. My heart pounded hard in my chest. I didn't want to believe it was true.
I know many Americans believe (or should I say, believed) that the United States is immune to such attacks. Many have believed that no one could touch the strongest nation in the world. I have never been one of those people; at least not since I was ten-years-old and the Gulf War started. The mere indication that Sadaam Hussein had missiles pointed at America was enough to make me believe. I haven't seen many terrorist attacks in my 21 short years, but I've definately seen enough.
Still, I wish it hadn't come to this. I wish this were a nightmare I could wake up from. I wish I could pinch myself and the thousands dead could be miraculously resurrected.
I've heard this terrible act being compared to Pearl Harbor over and over again. At least during Pearl Harbor, we knew who the enemy was. There was a place to direct and release our rage. We have no such advantage here. I think the most frightening aspect of this whole thing is that our enemy is still unknown.
I've seen newscasts of the great party going on in Palestine. People are dancing in the streets, children are waving flags, candy is being passed around. They take great pleasure in our destruction. It seems this should arouse some reaction in me, some anger at being mocked in our darkest hour. It doesn't, however. Compared to the tragedy we've suffered, their happiness at our misfortune is meaningless. I've always felt sad when I heard stories about the conflict between Palestine and Israel, and I still feel sorry for them. I can only feel sorrow for a people who think death and destruction is a cause for celebration.
I suppose I should feel anger about the whole thing. I suppose I should feel that retaliation is needed. Perhaps retaliation is needed in order to let the terrorists know such acts will not be tolerated. However, I can't make myself feel these things. All I feel is worry and a heavy sadness. We've been inundated with death for the past few months. Stories about the Palestinian/Israeli conflict, the famous singer Aaliyah's plane crashing, and many more. Now there's this. We are faced with an unimaginable loss of life, and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of death. Retaliation will cause more death. War will cause more death. Hasn't there been enough blood shed? Haven't there been enough lives snatched from us? Am I the only one fed up with it? All I want is healing. I can't take more death.
Retaliation, revenge - it's an endless ride, and I want to get off of it.
I figured classes at Kent State were cancelled today as I drove into the parking lot. This school has a MAJOR parking problem, and it was entirely too easy to find a spot. It was eerie to see the parking lot so empty. I parked and went to class, anyway. I was greeted with a sign confirming my suspicions. All classes were cancelled.
I found it almost funny as I walked back to my car. This is the first time I actually wanted to go to class. I needed a sense of normalcy. I needed something that indicated everything would be alright. I needed a boring classroom with a boring teacher droning on about a boring subject. Such a thing would be comforting on a day like today. I see now I will receive no such comfort.
Who knows what the future will hold for us? I can only pray it won't be as bad as it appears.