September 29, 2001
1:26pm

This morning I saw the cutest little boy just wandering around the student center. He appeared to be about two-years-old with a sweet smile and outgoing manner. He was fascinated with the elevator buttons, and seemed thrilled that he was able to stretch and reach the lowest one. When the elevator doors opened he went inside and started pressing more buttons. I decided it would be a good idea to find his mother before he became totally lost.

I was a little panicked for a while because she was nowhere to be seen. I kept asking him if he knew where she was, but he didn't seem very concerned about her at the time. I guess the allure of the elevator buttons was too strong. However, I soon heard someone calling a name (which I couldn't quite make out) and as I held the elevator a young woman came around the staircase. I was relieved to see a look of recognition on both their faces. It meant I could get back to work.

I've had a lot of encounters with little boys lately. Yesterday some guy named Chico who used to be a manager at my work place came to visit. He brought his seventeen-month-old son with him and, of course, he was adorable. The boy wasn't very active. You could tell he just woke up. Our small office was full of people going about various tasks and he just sat there taking it all in. He was the most pensive child I've ever seen. It occurred to me that that must have been what I was like when I was a baby. My mom said I didn't cry much, even when things bothered me. I observed a lot and made faces that showed what I was thinking. This baby was just like that. It was like I had time travelled 20 years back and was watching myself.

Another boy (this one looks about 6 or 7-years-old) has been in the student center for the past few days. He's a little salesman who goes person to person, desperately trying to get them to buy something for his school fundraiser. He has a spiel and everything. He gets a little tongue-tied and confused when you ask him how buying from the catalogue works, but he otherwise has an expert delivery. Not too shabby for a second-grader. I felt sorry for him, though. People would politely refuse his offer or ignore him completely. (I could understand not buying something, but ignoring the poor kid is just mean.) I couldn't help but buy something from him. He was trying so hard.

It looks like I'll be getting some chocolate truffles for Christmas - courtesy of myself.

Yesterday I learned that a woman who worked in the student center died a few days ago. No one knows what caused it yet; it was so sudden. The funeral is next week. Her name was Charise Bradshaw, and she was one of the nicest people I ever met. That isn't just one of those things you say when people pass on, either. She really was a wonderful woman. She was talkative and outgoing. She was always cheerful and always had a smile on her face. I still can't believe she's gone. I didn't know her very well (she probably never even knew my name), but thinking about her death makes my heart hurt. Literally.

After the initial shock wore off, I was a little angry. I was angry at God. I was angry that in the midst of all that's happened recently - the unexpected deaths, the pain, and mourning - that He would take a good woman like Charise. That only lasted a moment, though. I had to remind myself that God's thoughts and actions are way above my own and such things are completely at His discretion. There may even be some cosmic reason for her death that I'll never undestand because I don't exist in that realm. It was just something we'd all have to accept.

I was really worried about our department secretary, though. She hasn't been to work since she heard of Charise's death. Bonnie and Charise were like best friends - like sisters, even. I know Bonnie must be taking it very hard.

This year I've witnessed more deaths than ever before (including two people I knew; Shannon and Charise). I think this caused me to be unusually worried about death lately. With morbid fascination I kept imagining everything I did would lead to my death. Driving to my mother's house yesterday was particularly hard because I kept seeing myself ramming into a tree or careening off a bridge. Then I made a concious effort to stop being so ridiculous. I could die within the next ten minutes, ten hours, or ten years. I have no control over it, and neither does anyone else. There's really no use in worrying about it.

Yesterday was my mother's birthday. Unfortunately, the present I bought her didn't arrive on time. I bought her some jade earrings, which are supposed to be lucky if someone else gives them to you. I ordered them a week ago. If I don't get them within the next two days, Enchanting Jewelry is going to rue the day I came upon its website.

Our birthday activity was going to the movies. I took her to see "Hearts of Atlantis." It's based on a Stephen King book (Did you know "Stephen" means king? I guess that makes his name "King King.") and stars Anthony Hopkins and Hope Davis. It was very good. I recommend you see it.

I'm excited about tomorrow. Our church is having Sunday service at the zoo. The weather this week has been pretty crappy, but this weekend is much improved. I'm sure we'll have lots of fun; and it will be even better because Yvette is coming.

I just hope our minister doesn't pull out his Jesus action figure again. It may be super keen with "gliding action," but that thing is still scary.