August 27, 2001
7:52pm

I have to make this entry quick because I don't have a lot of time here in the computer lab. Today I finally removed all boxes, debris, and trash from my apartment. I put posters on the walls and set up my figurines in strategic places. It finally looks like someone lives there, and not just a collection of stuff. It makes me happy.

What doesn't make me happy is my stupid computer. I already have things to type out for class, but my computer refuses to print (which means I have to go to the computer lab and pay $.07 a page). What makes me even more angry is that it goes through the motions of printing and makes printing sounds but always produces a blank sheet of paper. There aren't even any error messages to give me a clue about what may be wrong. UGGGHH!!!! (sound of Talia tearing her hair out in frustration) If anyone knows any possible reasons for this, please PLEASE tell me.

Today was my first day of class and it really sucked. Now I understand why the commuter students have been complaining all these years. There is nowhere to park on this campus. I actually missed a class because I was wandering around for a half an hour looking for a space. It was infuriating! I never thought I would have to pick up a bus schedule again after I bought my car. However, I now have no choice. If I want to get to class in any semblance of time, I must take the bus. Oh well, at least I get to ride for free because I'm a student. It's a good thing I live near a bus stop.

Sunday I visited my mom's house because, like a dunce, I forgot portfolios and other things I needed for school. While I was in the area I went to Wal-Mart and, of course, became hopelessly lost. It never ceases to amaze me how I could get lost in places I've been living around for years. It's really quite sad.

After I had finally realized where I was and was on my way home, I saw a sign for All Saints Cemetary. When I saw the sign it felt like all the air was sucked out of me instantaneously. I wasn't sure if I should continue trying to find my way home or try to find the cemetary instead. At the last moment I decided to pull down the road to the cemetary.

I've been looking for this particular cemetary for months. It's where my friend Shannon is buried. I've never been able to see her grave because the cemetary isn't listed in the phone book (or at least not any in the two counties I searched). Suddenly there I was, in the silence of the graveyard surrounded by rolling green hills full of the dead.

It was then I realized that I had no way of finding her grave. I wasn't told about the funeral, so I have no idea where in the cemetary she's buried. I walked around for a half hour anyway, hoping that the strange circumstance that led me to the cemetary might also lead me to her grave. I covered about a quarter of the grounds but I couldn't find it and it was getting late.

I silently promised myself that I would come back. I would buy some nice flowers for her grave and talk to her. I know she can't hear me; it would be a ritual meant for myself. I now understand why the families of missing people want the bodies of their loved ones found. It's hard to have closure when you can't see that the person is dead. Sometimes I feel like I could still call Shannon and talked to her. It still feels like we're separated by distance and not death. I suppose I just need to see that she's really dead.