June 8, 2002
1:10 p.m.

Last night the women's campus ministry had a devotional over Jenna's house. It was a discipling group (commonly referred to as d-group), which meant we had to confess our sin to each other and get advice on how to change it. I know that to most people this must sound mortifying. After all, you have to divulge your darkest secrets and deeds in a group setting. However, after a while you get used to such brutal honesty. The others in the room are completely trustworthy and understanding. The advice we give each other is not critical, but loving and supportive. Nothing is forced on you; the suggestions are there for you to use or discard at your discretion. It can be quite helpful.

During the d-group I shared my concern over my lack of feeling, which was quite evident in my last post. I was frustrated by my inability to feel as intensely as others seem to feel. I'm not prone to extreme emotion (though there are many people and things that I care about). Jenna suggested something that I never even thought about, although when I look back it seems so simple it's ridiculous.

Maybe that's just the way I am.

Maybe I don't have to be "fantastic" or "great." Perhaps feeling "fine" is good enough. After all, "ok" doesn't equal "bad." Just because I don't outwardly express such emotion doesn't mean there's something wrong with me.

It reminds me a lot of my relationship with my mother. My mother and I are definately not huggy-feely types. We hardly ever hug and say, "I love you," even less. However, our relationship is far from cold. There's no one on Earth I love more than my mother, and I know she feels the same. I know this because she's shown me how much she loves me. She's sacrificed for me in the past and continues to do so. She's always willing to help me (even when I don't want her help). Her actions speak louder than her words ever could, and I appreciate that. It's obvious to me that she loves with intensity even though she's not an overtly emotional woman.

I must be the same way. I may not tell my friends that I love them, but I do show them by inviting them over, feeding them, or helping them whenever I can. I may not be all lovey-dovey about God, but I show my love for Him through perseverence. So I'm alright.

I self-analyze entirely too much.

Yesterday was a sort of holiday in the Operations Department. Bruce, who used to work there as a manager, christened June 6th Bahrain Day (though this year it was celebrated on the 7th.) For those of you who don't know, Bahrain is a Middle Eastern country. Bruce was stationed there during Desert Storm.

The story of Bahrain Day is long and complicated. It involves Bruce, a woman in a bar, and a big misunderstanding. I won't get into it right now. Suffice it to say, the result was that Bruce got kicked out of Bahrain. So every year he gathers his friends together over food and beer to tell the story of how he got kicked out of a country and can never return there. Of course, his friends are sick of hearing the story, but there's free beer involved so they endure it.

That's good stuff.